I resign from parenting. So there.

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Thursday Night: I officially give up on parenting. Does anyone hear me??

I RESIGN!

I might try it again tomorrow.

What happened (you ask?)?

One of my kids lied to me.

Then, by way of blaming me for his lie, he followed with a list of the things that are wrong in his life, the majority of which have some direct or indirect cameo starring… (wait for it)… ME!  This list goes on and on. Who knew I was responsible for widespread dissatisfaction with the US educational system, global warming, acid rain and the oil trade dilemma between Iraq and the Kurds?

No wonder I am so tired all the time.

I try to remember those happy moments of bringing that adorable bundle of joy home from the hospital.  I hoped if I loved hard enough (which came easy), and provided the best environment I could, that we would breeze through the teen-age years without much fuss.

Yes, I really thought that. Stop looking at me like that.

Between now and tomorrow morning, I’m just going to feel sorry for myself.  I’m going to blather on about how I work hard, and try to provide wonderful experiences, healthy meals, a clean and loving home for my kids, and is his life so hard that he has to groan like he’s been through (actual) the medieval wringer when I ask him to get up on time for school? To not act like he’s doing me a giant favor making his own danged lunch to be later eaten with his own, not my, mouth?

I’m going to whine about feeling unappreciated and grovel in my own misery and say bad parenting things like, “do you think it would kill you to put the freaking toilet seat down for a change?” or “You’re lucky I don’t believe in spanking.”  Then, I’m going to get a giant glass of wine, a bowl of chocolate chip cookie batter and watch re-runs of The Golden Girls. So don’t interrupt me. I’m decompressing over here.  Good night.

Friday Morning:   Here’s to proving that a good nights’ sleep doesn’t always make things better, in fact, it didn’t do squat, nor was it that good of a night’s sleep.

I know kids lie.  Really I do.  Since my father reads these posts every week, I can say for certain that my siblings lied to our parents ALL the ti– once in a while.

So, I knew it would happen someday, and I knew I’d be mad, but I didn’t expect to feel… hurt.  And worried. What if he starts lying all the time and turns to a life of crime and becomes one of those creepy criminals from that tv show Bones, or even worse, a politician?!? I’m breaking out in hives over here.

So, I resign from parenting for today, too! I’m STRIKING! THAT’S IT! Good luck, people.  YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN! Have at it! Knock yourse—

 (Child calls from another room and I leap from my cozy bed like the house is aflame.  Apparently, parenting habits die hard.)

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Well, that felt good.  But, now it’s time to make sure the kids have breakfast and get them off to school.

It has been a long week, and it’s finally Friday— and truth be told, I’m going to miss them all a little more today, and I already look forward to seeing them after work.  Even mommy’s little pants on fire future politician.

Especially him.

In my upset and anger, I fused the boy and the lie, and after a night off from parenting, I miss the boy, even though I’m still mad about the lie.  And, I know him to be a wonderful, kind, funny, smart and caring person.  The lie was a symptom, a thing that needed addressing, but not the sum total of the human being I so dearly love.

So, hurry home today, kid, I can’t wait to see you.

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Engage in the conversation and follow me on Twitter! @CoreyJamisonLLC

This blog was originally published by the Times Union and can be accessed here.

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2 comments on “I resign from parenting. So there.
  1. Jeanette Gallegos says:

    So love it…love the humor….love the lessons….love the application!!

    Nicely written and told!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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